Im a bad person

I keep telling myself to post yet i just dont. Ive been really busy helping a friend rebuild her trailer. Talk about one hell of a workout. Anyway i wanted to keep yall up dated on the progress. Im down to 263! its highly exciting to me! Next week there will be no way i can post ill be at the ocean on vacation for a week. There will be lots of walking on the boardwalk and beach...maybe if im spunky some running! Thats the one thing i love about summer. The fact that i can get my fat ass out of the house and get moving! OHHHHH more excitement im down 2 pant sizes! YES I SAID 2! i thought i was only down 1 until i went and bought shorts and they were still to big! :) if i get down to a 18 (a number i dont ever remember seeing) then ill be excited times infinity!

Another week bites the dust!

Ladies and Gentlemen taking the time to read my blog first of all i would like to thank you for reading! Secondly its weigh in day and im proud to say im down 2.6 more pounds bringing my total weight loss for the month to 10 pounds!! Im down to 265 and i can say im extremely happy! I havent seen this weight in YEARS. I actually did a happy dance and screamed like a little girl when i saw that weight.

And on top of that if youve read prior you all know ive had some bad sugar issues...well im proud to say that ive been in the normal range for blood sugar for a week now and plan to keep it that way. Whoever said you cant battle diabetes has lost their minds. Its possible and im proof so far anyway!

Weigh in...

Well this weeks weigh in wasnt fantastic. Only lost .2 pounds...But honestly im not going to sit here and cry about it a loss is a loss. Its been a tough week and this coming week is going to be harder. With the loss of my job this coming friday the stress is super high. I know unemployment will get us through and the fact that my fiance is working helps as well. I just need me time. Time to get my head straight and realize who i am and that i can do this...I want this I want this so bad i can taste it. I will reach my goal no matter what it takes!

HECKTIC

So this week has been crazy...as usual. But heres the news. Mondays weigh in i lost 2.4 pounds. Honestly i wasnt even certain i would manage that given all the stress. Its not big for a 2nd week but hey a loss is a loss one way or the other.

Ive been working on training my replacement, one of my dear friends, thank god she catches on fast because im not sure that i will be at the business until the 3rd as planned originally. The main client stopped printing live orders as of today so now we just have backorders to clear.

Anyway today was eventful...I barely ate because i went to work had my morning meal replacement shake and a banana, then a small snack at break time...and then i had a front seat trip to the hospital with my mother (whom i work with). When i walked out into the lobby of the company she was sitting there red faced and breathing awkward. So i (surprisingly calm) started asking questions. Apparently she had a SEVERE vertigo fit. Last summer she had this issue but it came on very slowly this time it was immediate and alot worse to the point that her fingers were numb. I contacted my fiance and he was at the hospital in no time, I contacted her husband and he was there in about an hour (he works further away). They did finally discharge her and sent her home with dizziness meds and meds to keep her from getting sick.

If its not one thing its another i swear. It was a good thing i was with her though because they had the usual bazillion questions to ask her and her breathing was so erratic that she was having a hard time answering so i made sure that i tried to help them as much as i could.

Oh and not to mention me and my fiance were almost in an accident around the corner from our house because some asshole decided he was going to back out of the driveway without looking...REALLY!??? we have ALOT of little children that live here you have to pay attention...if that had been a child he wouldnt have seen them at all and hit them.......people these days.

Anyway given all the crap going on im doing well...under my points (not so good) but at least im still eating right instead of the junk i used to. This weekend we have the Tea Party in Chestertown MD...TONS of temptations are there all those wonderful foods. I may indulge in a funnel cake...since that is a weakness when im at fairs...but other then that i will stick to water and maybe pack a snack :) its getting easier dispite it all :) Until next post!

Sorry

Ive been out this week because of the stress ugh. Found out the end date isnt this coming friday but June 3rd...so i have a little time. Luckily because its considered a lay off i will be able to get unemployment but because its not temporary i do need to look for work...yay. Im going to take a month to myself...i have a vacation planned in july thats already paid for and im NOT losing all that money.

But anyway, ive tried my damndest to eat right this week...but im not sure how i did weigh in is tomorrow and im hoping for the best. Im at the point now where im kinda over being without a job soon...kinda pissed about it after being there for 10 years i feel like ive been tossed away...so its whatever ugh.

Wed was an active weather day (youll learn im a weather geek) we had tornados touch down in good old kent and queen anne's counties (in maryland) 1 was confirmed it was an EF0 with 65 mph winds and it went 3 miles. Lucky is it was only in farm land so it wasnt as bad as it could have been. One was forming about a mile or 2 from my home but it didnt really make it.....thank god!

Today the fiance and i went fishing one of our favorite things to do together. I caught 12 fish Catfish and Perch, and he caught 20 of both as well...of course he was showing off about it...but its ok because this is the most hes caught this year lol normally im the only one catching anything at all.

Well ill post again tomorrow after my weigh in.......wish me luck!

When it rains...it pours...

So we all know that i had a bad day yesterday...Well as if things couldnt get worse...they did. Yesterday afternoon they had a meeting at our work with several people because they were the chosen ones to be layed off. Well that just sucks! We all knew this was coming but i guess no one was ready to face reality. Well im the print room operator...and well someone has to print orders so i thought i was safe (but not in the back of my mind) today my boss came and talked to me...guess what im in the same boat now. It was either 4 hours a day or not work...4 hours a day is really not worth the gas to me or the time. Id rather see someone who is in the company who is working 8 hours a day get this position.

Needless to say today SUCKS. Tenitive last day is May 27...which is subject to change and be later or earlier...who knows. So now i need to get on the ball and relearn how to write an essay and file unemployment once this happens. *sigh* My boss was fighting so hard for me...i appreciate that so much. I almost think shes more upset then i am...we were both crying...but frankly i knew in the back of my mind something was coming...guess i just didnt want to believe it.

So anyway we know i like my ice tea. Well i have found an ice tea by 4c (i may have wrote about this) that i actually love! its diet and made with splenda...i have to get used to the taste of a power tea since i used to brew my own...but its pretty good. Im still rather excited about my 4.2 pound loss...i hope i can keep it up considering the next 2 weeks are royally stress worthy...until later my friends.

update...

I weighed in.... 4.2 pounds lost in a week! im so excited!!!! I hope this keeps on going :)

I made it out alive!

The weekend didnt totaly kill me. I did good out to dinner with my friends i did splurge and have a mudslide but no big deal thats what weekly points are for right? ;) It was a fairly uneventful weekend. I didnt walk because it was either raining or just to miserable to walk. So i sat around most of the time...but i needed to because of that pulled muscle or whatever i did to my ankle.

Today has been HELL! first i got up late for work...im usualy at work at 5:40am....yea i didnt get up until 6:30!!!! so that set the day in motion. Get up to find im very dizzy...guess who has a damn inner ear infection? Yea so i had to take a meclazine (pill i took when i had vertigo last year) and had to deal with dizzyness until it kicked in. THEN i get to work no paper is stocked as it should be (there are notes all over the room about this) That was the icing on the cake. Well unfortunately because of a mistake my backup made this weekend he was let go so now i have no backup...kinda sucks considering i have NO clue who else i can possibly train. It was an honest mistake he made...but could have been fixed, but wasnt. Anyway i go out to break...come back and HELLO TEXT MESSAGE. My fiance texts me to basically say that the same thing that happened to his co worker just happened to him (cut his hand) only it stopped at his chin! IM IN PANIC. he wont answer his phone nor will 2 co workers im friends with. Finally he lets me know hes fine and isnt cut...THEN WHY THE HELL TELL ME THE SAME THING HAPPENED!??!! I talked to him at lunch time on the phone and read him the text he sent me and he realized how bad it really sounded.........yea needless to say this day is HELL.

I didnt even get my cereal this morning...kinda bummed i really wanted that lol. All this week there is a chance for storms...great i can see it now ill be out walking and be caught in a freak thunderstorm...no thanks. So i think im going to work with Zumba some! I got the dvds last week from beginner to expert. I cant wait to try it. Came with some kind of shaker bars too so looks neat. Ive found a tea i can have! i picked up a diet tea and a decaf tea by 4c. we will see if i like it if not oh well they were on closeout price anyway.

I do have to sit back and laugh at myself. Its funny i used to have bags of chips all over the place, cookies, ice cream the works...now you open my fridge and what do you see VEGGIES! lol and fruit and healthier crap. Most of the junk stuff thats still in the house is in the freezer or on top the fridge and its dustins cause hes so small he wants to gain the weight. Walking with me isnt going to help that.

Anywho thats how the weekend was and thats how my day is.....sucktastic...i have to try to do everything i can to not go home and just indulge in something horribly bad for me. Oh and today is my weigh in too so i cant wait to see what ive lost (i hope something) we shall see!!! wish me luck!

So i couldnt post...

I couldnt post because they were doing updates and shit on here so the site was down. Wed. I walked 2.26 miles! Thursday i walked 4.10 miles!!! needless to say friday i couldnt walk at all...Sadly when walking i had to get so far off the side of the road because some dick wanted to try to run us over grinning the whole time, i rolled my ankle ugh. Its better today slightly sore but not swollen so thats better.

Tonight we plan on goin out with a couple of friends for dinner. This will be my first dinner out on ww. I cant wait to see how i do :) so many temptations im sure i will be fine :)

On to the next!

Yesterday i did wonderful with the points. I actually had 1 point left at the end of the day but i didnt need it because i was full! Getting used to eating normal meals though is challenging. Before i would not eat all day, drink sodas, then go home switch to tea and have dinner and whatever snack i could find. So i basically have to readjust my stomach.

I did my first healthy shop for this last night. I had the complete food book in hand and my handy calculator. I may have looked like a nerd but i wanted to be able to make sure i got stuff i could totaly have with no problem. Spent about 130 for alot of stuff. Veggies, Fruits, some 100 calorie snack packs, cereal, almond milk (im not a fan of anything but whole milk so switching entirely works for me and its really good) i even found weight watchers ice cream! Ive never been so excited about ice cream lol.

I went for a nice walk around town with my fiance, Today im hoping to do the same but maybe go a little further then yesterday. I told him he didnt have to join me since he wants to gain the weight but he wants to be by my side to support me on this and i appreciate that more then words can honestly express. I cant wait to see if ive lost anything. i know results vary by person some people lose the first week and some people dont. its all good though! i know that the changes im making now will make a difference later :). No headache yet today so thats also a good thing. Lunch is a sandwhich and some 0 point jello! nom nom nom! come on lunch time! :)

A new start

Today is the first day of weight watchers! so far im doing pretty good. Had to get used to the points thing last night...i was running around marking points on food so i knew what i was allowed to have! One thing i have to get used to is the water intake. Im ok with it but as i type this i have a headache. My body is not used to not putting caffeen in the morning or any form of sugar. But thats ok i will work on this. I have some flavor packs that are making water more drinkable to me!

My intent is afterwork to go for a nice walk around town. Just start myself with this exercise. Heck for someone who sits all day i think its funny...im wearing the pedometer i got, its already got 1.39 miles on it since i got to work! delivering orders and running around my office makes me move more then i realized. Cant wait to see how much walking i can do tonight. Especially since i have some new shoes i want to try out!

I stayed very active all weekend. Lots of yardwork was taken care of, lots of fishing was done, lots of sun was gotten on my shoulders lol. But i noticed that staying active (despite how sore i felt) made me feel great! Im not sure if it is because i was kind of exercising or if it was that my yard looks amazing...but i really dont care i feel great about me and i think thats all that matters. Dustins even getting into it asking me how many points certain things are just so he knows what i can and cant have so he doesnt offer me something that i cant really have.

I have preplanned my meals for the day and im not sure how im going to eat all these points. But i guess i will figure it out...dunno. Oh well i suppose i should get back to work now!

Information OVERLOAD

My internal hard drive crashed last night reading all of this Weight watchers stuff. It seems a bit confusing but im going to really sit down and read it through better this weekend. It looks like my favorite drink (ice tea) is 2 points! oye...Im not ready to cut tea out of my life yet but i guess i have to to make this work...in other words im not going to be happy about it. Unless i can find a way around it like a different sweetener that is no points or something.

The kit came with alot of great information. I found that the cook book they sent me is going to be a great asset as it has alot of great food ideas that i would actually eat! Most healthy cook books ive seen have veggie overload or something...but this is just like a normal meal just prepared better for you and you can mix and match which is nice since veggie wise im not a fan of alot of them lol.

Im digging the fact that fruits and some veggies are 0 points. I love me some fruit a good banana or apple would make my day really. Heck some raw brocolli, coliflower and carrots would make me happy too...just gotta bring the floss for my teeth lol! I need to buy a scale...the one thing i dont have in my house...nor did i want...but this is for my own good. The only thing i dont like is this weekly weigh in stuff. I dont want to depend on that number and thats what i feel like im being forced to do is stare at it all the time. And i just dont think thats right.

Im not defending the big girls because it is an unhealthy lifestyle BUT i will say this, Society has put alot of pressure on us to look at numbers, showing us what fabulous should look like, showing us that plus size clothes arent cute unless you want to pay an arm and a leg. We should want to change because we want to better ourselves, not because we feel pressured to do so by the world. I for one, i guess because im a tom boy, could care less about what society thinks of me. I am who i am and if im not happy with me I need to make that change not anyone else. Like ive said before though i dont want to be a stick. I think the guidelines for height/weight are rediculous. Im a big boned person. Litterally i may be big but you can feel my hip bones with no problems. If i lose too much weight i wouldnt look normal id have a small top with huge hips...yea i dont want to look like that. My goal is to loose this gut, shape my arms, and my thighs. And in the process...gain a butt?? lol yea i dont have one of those so that would be a neat concept.

Anyway as i read more info about ww i will let yall know where i stand. Im going to do this and since i do have a group of wonderful ladies that i work with who are on it to they have already said that they will help me no problem :) its great to have a system that works with you and not against you!!!

Finally

So i contacted Weight Watchers today and they had no idea why i havent gotten an email with the tracking information so the lady (who was very polite and super helpful) got it for me and tracked it in TN. Due to arrive tomorrow! I plan on starting this Monday, only because i prefer to start something at the beginning of a week instead of at an odd time of the week. Not to mention it will give me time to read through the information and get a better understanding of things.

Ive really got to get it together. Im worried about being diabetic. I know it runs hard in the family but ya know for once i just want to be the one that beats the odds. I know theres a chance that even with losing the weight and eating better that it will not go away and im ok with that but just to know that im at least going to give this the best shot i can means the world to me. Ive got the thirsty symptoms and headaches...but so far thats it and im NOT happy about it. Granted sugar has been my friend for FAR too long and now its time for me to defriend it. Its ok to have a cookie now and again but damnit Crystal you dont have to sit and eat the entire plate!

My best friend told me that her first week on WW was hell. Because you have to get used to eating a certain way and doing things differently. Me on the other hand i actually have to teach my body to eat. Yea im one of those people...I dont eat all day and then i go home and have dinner and a snack and im done...barely anything at all its sad. So i have to retrain my body and my mind that i NEED to eat these things if im ever going to lose the weight. Hopefully my body will catch on fairly quickly if not im going to feel like im in a blessed rut forever!

Still waiting

I figured since im starting fresh i would just write for the heck of it. Makes me feel better anyway. Im still waiting to hear from weight watchers about the kit...signed up for it to be 2nd day shipping and so far no email or anything as they promised. If its not here tomorrow then i will wait 1 more day and contact them directly.

Ive asked a girlfriend of mine if i had questions or needed help with the weight watchers program if she would help me since she is on it as well and she said sure! So now i kind of have a weight watchers buddy which is pretty awesome.

I bought some new clothes today. Granted they are my current size which wasnt the smartest of ideas but i desperately needed shorts and as summer approches with only 3 pairs of shorts...yea it was time to buy more definately. Also bought some tops too but luckily because of my chest i prefer larger shirts anyway since the dont cling to the girls (im not the type that wants that kind of attention, i have a fiance and id rather not have someone else staring me down). I also bought an immitation sketchers shape up (since i cant afford the $100 real ones) they look comfy and i hear they are really good for walking so i cant wait to put them on and see how they work.

Next monday i get the pleasure of seeing my gyno. Always a super fun yearly trip to him. I plan on talking to him about changing my birth control. See ive had issues with boils pretty much all my life however ive noticed in the past 2-3 years since being on orth-tricylen lo ive experianced more then normal. Basically i would get them maybe 2 times a year...now im getting 3 at a time in a month...yea NOT FUN. Not to mention the cost of the birth control im on is steady going up making it difficult to pay for. 81.70 is a bit rediculous in my eyes. So i want to shoot for maybe regular ortho-tricyclen so i can get on the generic which costs 9 bucks at walmart...sounds like a deal to me!

When i get off work today im going to hit walmart and lowes with my mom to do some lawn shopping. Im attempting my first flower bed and i need to see what would look good in it and so on. Im such a putz i know nothing about this stuff. But thats ok we all learn at sometime. I think of it this way the more im outside the more im active which will help my goal at hand, even considering the fact that im allergic to grass...sad huh? But i guess thats what a fiance is for when it comes to cutting grass lol.

Anyway lots of projects planned this year at my house. Ive been there 2 years now and its time to really make it a home. So the first is the flower bed out in front of the porch that was added last year by my step dad. Next is the inside. I have 1 finished room and a finished hall (which i think im going to change) and go figure the finished room is the spare room. So i have the paint now i just need to move the furniture and paint the walls and do a good carpet cleaning in the livingroom. Then i hope to get a few peices of the chair rail stuff for my kitchen because a few peices are bad and i need to relpace them..then repaint the entire kitchen (and possibly hall). And then fix the bathroom tub surround which is unfortunately crumbling ugh. Not due to anything we have done but it wasnt installed correctly so water is able to get under it and is causing some damage. Easy yet expensive fix. Our bedroom is my last task. But i dont plan on that one for this year.

This summer ill be gone for a week in July with my best friend and my fiance. We are headed to Ocean City MD for a leasurely vacation. Found a nice 2 bedroom 2 bathroom condo on 64th street for 917 for a week and trust me during peak season thats an absolute steal. Also just so happens that the week we are heading down is the week the Dew Tour will be in OC. BMX and Skateboarders and this year being at the beach they are adding a surf competion which im kinda stoked about being able to see! It should be an awesome week to just get away from it all and relax. Trust me after the start of this year i NEED this. Yes there is alot of temptation in OC but im not going to keep myself from it all. There are certain things i will just have to make an exception for like thrashers fries, fishers pop corn...and milk shakes! it will be my off week and the ONLY off week i allow myself.

Other then that its going to be a pretty decent summer ahead. Lots of parades, cookouts, festivals, fireworks and so on to keep me occupied and active! Ill try to post again tomorrow with news on the kit if it came or not :)

Lets get this straight.

Im a true slacker to this blog but now that spring is here I plan to post more and keep you all more up to date. I havent been active lately because well I wont lie ive been lazy. Stressed out at work and at home mixed with depression has sent me down a spiral that is rediculously hard to get out of and i feel horrible. Luckily no weight gain if anything ive lost a few more pounds...havent gotten on the scale lately mainly because of the depression part.

Ive started taking St. Johns Wort and Ginko for my depression. If i can go herbal i definately try that before a harsher alternative that could have insane side effects on my body. Ive been checking my blood sugar lately...it has been a bit high which i know is NOT good...So with that said today i took a step. I have several friends who are on weight watchers and are loosing weight. So ive signed up for the at home kit. I cant make it to meetings because i dont have transportation but if i have this in my life i will definately stick by it especially since im seeing results around me. Im kind of excited about this really. A little expensive for the home kit but its a one time payment deal and you get the calculator, pedometer, cookbook, lunchbox, diary and more! This will help me so much...I hope.

I really want to beat the idea of diabetes and i just dont know how to do it so hopefully with this weight loss plan i will head in the right direction. I do know that my pants have been fitting much looser lately so i suppose that is a good thing even though its slow progress it is progress non the less! Its a total overhaul of my life so to speak. A new way of thinking and doing. And with the threat of diabetes staring me in the face i think its time to tackle the demon head on and ATTEMPT to be the first in my family to beat it. No one says i will but i want to try if i can.

Like i said in the beginning when i first started this blog i dont want to be a size 0 or anything like that. Im not doing this for anyone. I want to be healthy, i want to be happy, i want to be active, i want to be able to say i beat diabetes, i want to say i can fit into those cute jeans and that cute shirt. For my own satisfaction and no one elses. Im opening my eyes to a whole new world of possibilities by taking this step. Im even considering quitting smoking as well. Not right now i need to focus on the start of weight loss since i know quitting you tend to turn to food and gain weight. 1 step at a time...hopefully weight watchers will be a step in the right direction for me. I need this. I want this. I can do this! Now this will mean that when i get home from work dont just sit there and look at the computer or the tv, go for a walk, do some in home exercising since gyms are just to expensive, just try to stay active, make dinner at a decent time for once, and then relax and unwind before bed. Like i said total life syle change...i just hope Dustin can handle it!

Wish me luck and if you have ever done weight watchers im open to opinions of it and tips!

as usual im behind

So yea i havent posted lately...alot going on at work so i havent had the time. I can say ive lost about 13 pounds total so far! it may be a small amount but in my eyes its a huge change. Im starting to feel better about myself. Despite all the rude assholes in the world who want to put me down. Im of the opinion fuck em all be who you are and be proud of it. Its a hard journey. Hell to be totaly honest 11 of those pounds came from a stomach virus when NOTHING would stay in my system. Great way to lose weight but not the way i would chose to do so myself...i hate throwing up lol.

Did spring show up early?

My god its a gorgeous 67 degrees outside right now and my fiance and i are about to go for a walk. I love it when it gets warm and i can finally get out of the house. Definately more motivation for me in the long run when i dont have to worry about freezing my ass off. Well ttfn time to work this bootay!

2 pounds?!

Oh yess im 2 pounds down! I know what your thinking...2 pounds and your excited?? well um yea hello im a big girl any small goal is great! Just dance has been a great help...Im not a huge fan of just exercising...but the idea of dancing my ass off literally is fantastic! trying my best to keep counting calories but god its hard!!!! I have gone over and i have splurged but this is a process i have to ease my way into and if 2 pounds is what i get for right now then damnit im going to take it. No one can get me off this cloud!

Just Dance

Well i must say Just Dance 1 and 2, and The Michael Jackson experiance are...HARD! not for the sake that i was sweating my rear off but because i didnt know most of the dances. Basic concept there is a person on the screen...you have to basically pretend that is you and mirror what it does. If your unfamiliar with a songs dance then you pretty much stand there going WHAT!? The nice thing is if you dont know it just watch it...that way you have a bit of notice if you try it again. If you dont do the dance it wont restart or anything like that it just keeps going. I did really well with Thriller, and Annie are you ok? but then again when your a huge music fan and youve seen the videos over and over and over again its to be expected you have the basic knowlege of the dances.

But anyway for an hour of trying to dance and then getting it i did work up a sweat. Still fighting with my knee so im not doing any of the jumping or anything that would cause it more pain...definately need to get a knee brace but thats just not in the budget so i will do what i must! Anyway so yea i definately recommend Just Dance 1 and 2 and The Michael Jackson Experiance for moving your body! There is even an option that says Just Sweat i havent tried that since im trying to learn the dances first lol.

I will keep yall updated with more info on the games as i get used to them!

Sorry!!!

Im terribly sorry i havent updated. To be honest ive been very busy with work and usualy by the time i get off im just exausted. Which is not an excuse. But i will admit excersise has been limited. Ive recently discovered my knee has some kind of issue and has caused me some pain walking up the steps. What do i blame this on...honestly my weight. I usualy watch tv in the evening and do leg lifts or some kind of floor exercise so i do not injure my knee further.

I recently purchased Just dance 1 and 2 for wii and The Michael Jackson Experiance! Im kind of excited to start trying these as i will have to get off my butt and work it! Im a huge fan of dancing...i may not be a great dancer but it is something that i like to do and works up a great sweat!

Calorie counting is proving to be easier by the day. I have a journal i keep in my purse so i can right down everything i eat and the calories its very helpful. Im a huge fan of the equate strawberries and cream weightloss drinks in the morning. I dont have alot of time to make breakfast in the morning as it is a mad dash out of the door to get to work so i just grab a shake and go with it. Ive also discovered some of these slim fast snack bars that are 100 calories are a great treat! This week has been a combination of fish, veggies and beans all week. Needless to say great protein but bad smell lol.

Now im not a huge watcher of Oprah but yesterday she had an episode about vegans. Some of the food was intreguing, and some of the people had lost weight within a week of trying this diet...Granted i love my cheese, milk, meats, poultry things like that but they were showing alternatives. I may actually try some and let you know how it works out!

Until next time :)

Welcome to my weightloss adventure

Hello to everyone reading this blog. My names Crystal. Im 26, 5'7 279 pounds as of today. Thats right the first step to recovery is admitting that i do have a problem...The problem i have is food...its my guilty pleasure, and my dirty secret. No one made me this big i did this to myself. There are many reasons why i think i am the way i am today...the main one has alot to do with my past. When i was 13 my parents split leaving me with my mother who worked full time so i basically just ate what i wanted. No i do NOT in anyway blame her for this i knew better but i didnt care i was in a state of depression with my father gone...On top of that i was raped. A spiraling depression led to over eating and eating the wrong things. I have since been to therapy for this and have somewhat but not fully gotten over that moment in my life.

So why throw it all out there in my first blog youre wondering...to me getting it out in the open is the most important thing in my "step to recovery". As i may never be a skinny girl i want to lose in total 100 pounds. My bone structure alone is wide so i dont want to look strange i just want to look healthy. I want to be able to get up the steps without being out of breath, i want to walk around my neighbor hood and feel good about myself, i want to show others that if i can do this so can they!

No ones perfect and i may fall off the wagon but its a learning experiance thats for sure and thats what im here for to learn and better myself. This isnt a journey for someone else to be happy, this is a journey for me...to try to beat some of the health issues that run in my family...to be able to buy that cute pair of jeans because im no longer a size 24/26...to just be able to walk around with a sence of pride.

So lets get started shall we? Ill start by showing you what i currently look like. Its not pretty but its who i am...





My plan to lose 100 pounds you ask? Well starting 1 day at a time. Its all about staying active, and eating right. Im trying counting calories which i should be taking in 2053 Calories a day to lose weight. I have purchased The Biggest Loser exercise dvd's and plan to pretty much kick my own ass every day. But not too brutal i dont want to injure myself in the process. So with all this being said and shown i do hope that you will come back and visit my blog often to see my adventure unfold...and to one day see me get my goal!